


The Darkest Hour: Retribution

by Ithiel_Dragon



Series: The Hour is Darkest Just Before the Dawn [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Action/Adventure, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood and Gore, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-08 10:13:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4300845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiel_Dragon/pseuds/Ithiel_Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All things must come to an end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always big thanks to my beta [NurseDarry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/pseuds/NurseDarry) who makes my crap worth reading.

Jim blinked his eyes open slowly. The room was pitch black. Thick clouds outside obscured any sign of the moon or stars from above. Thunder rolled softly in the distance and the air was heavy with humidity, the approaching rain promising relief from the heat of the day.

But Jim knew it had not been the approaching storm that had woken him from sleep. It had been the same nearly every night for the past fourteen days. He waited. He did not move. He barely dared to breathe and make a sound.

There it came again. Soft, low and barely audible. A groan of discomfort accompanied by the barest flinch from the man still sleeping beside him. Jim sighed quietly in resignation. Some nights were better than others. Jim had quickly learned the signs of a 'bad' night. The only question was just _how_ bad. He took it as a positive sign that at least he'd caught it early; Khan hadn't started screaming yet.

"Khan?" Jim whispered softly but still he didn't move. At first there was no response, so he repeated the man's name, again and again. Still softly, doing his best not to unintentionally startle the augment from sleep. Jim still had bruises from the last time he'd made that mistake. Finally, Khan jerked sharply, and this time the movement was accompanied by a sudden inhalation, indicating that Jim been successful in rousing him. Khan hadn't instinctively lashed out this time, and Jim let out a breath of relief that he'd been holding in.

Once he was certain that Khan was awake, only then did Jim turn towards him in the bed. He shifted close enough that he could feel the heat radiating off of the augment's body but Jim didn't dare touch him yet. Just because Khan was awake didn't mean he was fully aware yet. Another painful mistake Jim had made and learned quickly from.

"Hey. Are you with me?" Jim asked softly. He was close enough that Khan probably felt his breath against the back of his neck. He felt a small shiver run through Khan's body, indicating that was indeed the case, but it was several more heartbeats before the augment finally spoke.

"Yes." Khan's voice was low and rough with sleep, but he sounded calm, and there was only a bit of tension in his tone. The fact that Khan had answered him at all instead of getting out of bed and storming away, or snapping at him in anger, was another good sign. It wasn't _that_ bad a night then. Though 'good' and 'bad' were relative terms these days.

Jim allowed himself to reach out and place his palm against Khan's bare back. The skin was hot and damp with perspiration, and he could feel Khan's heart racing beneath his palm. But the augment didn't try to pull away, so Jim pushed his luck a little more. He pressed his lips to the back of Khan's neck, tasting the sweat on his skin. When Khan didn't protest, Jim allowed himself to do it again, pressing a trail of soft kisses along the man's neck and shoulders. Khan remained tense, even when Jim slipped his arm around his middle, but he didn't tell Jim to stop.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jim always asked. While up to this point the answer was always 'no,' it varied. Sometimes Khan would simply remain silent and ignore him until they both fell back asleep. Sometimes it was at this point Khan got out of bed and refused to sleep for the rest of the night. Sometimes Khan would growl at him and insult him until Jim was snapping back just as fiercely and they were in danger of waking the rest of the facility with their arguing. Honestly, those nights were some of the most bearable; getting any kind of reaction out of Khan was better than none at all these days. But sometimes…

Khan's hand suddenly covered Jim's own where it rested against his stomach, pressing Jim's palm into the strong muscles there, where he felt the rise and fall with every breath Khan took. When the hand started guiding his lower, beneath the waistband of Khan's sleep pants, Jim let out another soft sigh. So, it was going to be one of those nights then. While he supposed it was more pleasant than arguing all night, or getting the silent treatment, it still disappointed Jim somewhat. Sometimes he still doubted if this was what Khan really wanted, or if he was just trying to distract Jim or himself from the problem.

But despite his misgivings, Jim never said no, and he had no intention of doing so now. He'd made a promise to Khan. He'd do whatever Khan asked of him to help him, as long as Khan promised not to attempt to hide when he needed help anymore. Sometimes that meant doing nothing while letting Khan stalk around the room growling like a caged panther. Sometimes that meant shouting at him at the top of his lungs until dawn. Sometimes that meant holding him through the night, just letting him know he was there, and sometimes that meant this.

Khan was already semi-aroused when Jim wrapped his fingers around his cock. Jim pressed his lips to Khan's neck again as he slowly stroked the man from root to tip. His grip was loose, almost teasing, at first. The organ's texture was like velvet over hard steel, pulsing heavy and hot with blood. Jim's fingers trailed down, tracing along the thick vein underneath and skimming over the heavy sack. He cupped and caressed the augment's balls, sometimes reaching further down to lightly tease over the perineum. Khan made a sound that was halfway between impatience and enjoyment, and Jim smiled against his skin. He licked a warm stipe at the side of Khan's neck and then bit sharply, not enough to break the skin, but enough to leave indents with his teeth.

Khan jerked slightly in his arms and grunted. Jim felt the man's cock twitch, and when Jim finally allowed his hand to move back up, Khan was fully hard. Jim moaned softly in the back of his throat, sucking on the spot where he'd bit, worrying the skin with his teeth and licking away any sting left behind. Khan's breathing grew heavier. He began to thrust slowly in the tight channel of Jim's fist. Jim allowed it for a while, sucking hard enough to leave a mark on Khan's flesh despite how quickly the man healed. He only regretted it would probably be gone by morning when he'd be able to see it.

The augment let out a near pained groan when Jim shifted his hold to tease only the head with his fingers, squeezing around the crown with his thumb and forefinger. Precum began to leak from the slit which Jim swiped away with his thumb, coating his fingers and the head of Khan's cock with the hot fluid. Khan hissed between his teeth and reached back to grasp Jim's hip hard. Jim groaned, allowing his hips to shift forward at Khan's encouragement, rubbing his cloth covered erection against the swell of the man's ass.

Khan pushed back, rubbing his ass against Jim's cock. His fingers gripped the light fabric covering Jim then started to tug his sleep pants down impatiently. Jim did his best to help without letting go of Khan, lifting his hips and pulling with his spare hand, until the thin material was bunched down around his thighs. Khan's clothing was given the same treatment and soon Jim's cock was sliding, warm and welcoming between the augment's thighs, the head brushing the back of Khan's scrotum as he slowly thrust.

His lover let out an approving sigh, thrusting into Jim's hand and tilting his head back against him. Jim kissed Khan's shoulder, licked beneath his ear, then lightly nipped at his jaw. Khan tilted his head and Jim felt the man's warm breath panting against his lips before Jim kissed him properly. The lazy slide of their tongues against one another and teeth against swollen lips made both men groan. Not being able to see, only being able to hear, feel, smell, and taste seemed to make every sensation more intense. He could feel Khan's pleasure through the bond they shared and knew Khan could feel his. He gripped Khan's hip hard with his other hand, stroking harder and faster as he felt him nearing orgasm.

Khan's groan, when he came, sounded somewhere between relief and pain, and the sound made Jim gasp breathlessly. His lover's semen was burning hot against his fingers, and Jim slowed his strokes to draw out Khan's pleasure as he milked him. A few more thrusts between the older man's strong thighs, tight and already slick with sweat and precum, and Jim was spilling as well. His teeth found the sensitive bruise he'd already left on Khan's neck and sank in again, drawing out another deep resonating groan of pleasure from the man in his arms.

Jim panted against Khan's shoulder and trailed his slick fingers up his stomach. When he reached Khan's chest he could feel the augment's heart beating hard and fast, but not like it had been before when he woke. Jim let out a soft sigh and pressed a few more tender kisses to Khan's neck, enjoying their quiet and closeness while he could, knowing that Khan would become impatient with the 'cuddling' soon enough.

As he predicted, Khan was soon drawing away. Jim felt the bed shift as Khan sat up and he heard the soft rustling sound of the disposable wipes as Khan cleaned himself off. Then he felt one of the wipes, a clean one thankfully, hit him in the face and Jim laughed in spite of himself.

"How the hell do you do that?" he asked; Khan's aim was impeccable, even in the dark.

Khan didn't answer but Jim could feel his amusement. It was really too bad that he had to ruin it, because this was part of the deal as well.

"Do you want to talk now?" Jim asked as casually as possible as he started to clean up. Most of the time Khan said no. Jim never tried to push him if that was the answer. He knew Khan needed to do this in his own time in his own way. And, if that was the case, usually they'd share a shower or go back to sleep for a few more hours, or sometimes Khan would initiate another round of sex, which definitely wasn't a hardship for Jim.

But then sometimes, Khan surprised him.

"Tell me about Tarsus IV." Apparently tonight was one of those nights. Jim froze at Khan's words, and even though they were casual, an offer rather than an order or demand, he still felt himself go cold and ridged with tension.

Jim swallowed audibly then cleared his throat. Slowly sitting up, he tossed the used wipe in the direction of the wastebasket. He had no idea if he made it or not, nor did he really care, he still couldn't see anything in the dark room. Not even Khan's silhouette, though he swore he could feel the augment's eyes on him. Jim heard the rumble of thunder again in the distance, but this time it sounded ominous rather than welcoming. He cleared his throat again before he spoke.

"How do you know about that?" It was one of the many questions that had been burning inside him unasked ever since he'd seen the recreation of his own private hell inside of Khan's mind. Khan had stated over and over that he was not telepathic, but somehow he had dug out Jim's worst memory and thrown it back in his face in an attempt to deter him from probing any deeper into his mind. Jim hadn't asked how Khan had done it. Maybe he hadn't really wanted to know. He would have rather forgot the entire experience, to be honest. But now that Khan had brought it up again unexpectedly, Jim felt anger blossoming inside his chest.

Khan was silent for several heartbeats before Jim heard him move again. Realizing what the augment intended, Jim reached out quickly to grab the man's wrist, stopping him from turning on the light. The abrupt move had caused Khan to stiffen beside him but he slowly relaxed and Jim released him. Khan sighed.

"I'm not the only one who has nightmares, Kirk," Khan finally said softly. Jim hadn't been expecting that. He'd thought Khan had been referring to…but apparently not. Of course Jim had been having nightmares. How could he not with all the shit Khan had stirred up in his head when he'd been in the augment's mind. He just hadn't thought that Khan had noticed… Which was probably just stupid on his part. Khan not notice something? Right.

"So you expect me to talk about my nightmares when you won't talk about yours?" Jim snapped unintentionally, anger finally winning out over shock. Jim started to get up but Khan quickly shifted their positions so now the augment was holding his wrist, halting him, but not restraining him, his grip loose enough that Jim _could_ pull away if he wanted to.

"No. I don't expect that," Khan replied and there was meaning loaded in those soft words.

"If I talk to you about my nightmares, you'll talk to me about yours?" Jim asked just to confirm.

"Yes," Khan's simple answer nearly floored him. Jim hadn't expected that and he knew Khan would keep his word. If Jim agreed to it… So far, Khan had resisted all of Jim's and the betazoids efforts to get him to talk about what had happened to him. This was a huge step. But was this a price that Jim was willing pay? In a way he supposed it was 'fair'. He was asking Khan to break open the festering wounds in his own psyche. To share some of his worst experiences in hopes that it would release some of the sickness that was poisoning his soul and destroying his mind. Shouldn't Jim be able to do the same?

Jim sighed heavily.

"All right…" Jim relented, doing his best to swallow down his anger and shore up his courage for what was to come. "What do you already know?"

"Nothing. Except how it makes you feel."

"Then how did you… ? When I was in your mind I saw it, exactly the way it was when I was a child," Jim said in confusion.

"I do not entirely understand what the betazoids did to allow you into my mind, even though I've asked them to explain it. I was not aware of what was happening on a conscious level. What was left of my defenses were acting instinctively, drawing on your worst fears in an attempt to force you to retreat. Your mind provided the details, I only caught the barest glimpses despite the strength of our connection." Khan's explanation made some of Jim's anger fade in spite of everything, knowing that at least the man had not done it intentionally.

Jim nodded even though he wasn't sure if Khan could actually see him or not.

"Tarsus IV was…hell. I was only a kid at the time. My mother sent me to live with relatives there when I couldn't stay on Earth anymore. Long story. Anyway, at first it felt like a punishment. Then I started to actually like it there. But then…something happened. Crops started dying. The food stores were destroyed. People were going to starve. Starfleet couldn't send help in time… At least that's what we were told. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even bothered to call for help at all. Anyway, only about half the colonists were going to survive the famine, so the governor, Kodos, decided which half that would be. I wasn't part of that half." As Jim related the story, he spoke as dispassionately as possible, as though it was something that had happened to someone else, not him. But Khan could not be so easily fooled. Not with his empathy. Jim hissed between his teeth when he realized Khan's hand had been slowly tightening around his wrist in response to his inner turmoil.

Khan released him abruptly as soon as he made a sound, of course, but Jim caught his hand and wove their fingers together, needing something to ground him or he wasn't going to be able to get through this.

"It was… We were vermin to them. Vermin that needed to be exterminated. We weren't good enough. Weren't worth dying for. When they started killing people, I ran. I hid. I did whatever I had to, to survive." Jim closed his eyes, his voice growing softer but still audible. "Eventually I came across others.  Kids even younger than me.  It was dangerous to stay together.  Easier for the patrols to find us.  But we didn't want to be alone either.  Strength in numbers, right?  It wasn't much, but it was something.  We knew better than to trust any of the adults.  We'd all seen what some people were willing to do to survive.  I wasn't much different... I killed, I stole, I…sold myself for food.  I'm not proud of some of the things I did, but I tried to help the younger kids when I could.  I shared most of what I could get. I wanted to die so many times, but the others were depending on me, and I couldn't let that bastard Kodos win."

"Enough." Khan's voice was too loud and too sharp and it made Jim flinch. But then the man's hands were on his face, drawing him in, and Jim didn't try to fight it. Khan's lips found his and Jim let them part to welcome the tongue that invaded his mouth as though to claim every inch of him. As though Khan was attempting to suck the pain right out of him, and Jim was willing to let him try. He tasted salt on his lips and tongue and didn't know whose tears it was from nor did he care. Khan wrapped his arms around his body hard enough that Jim's ribs ached, and Jim returned the favor by digging his nails into the older man's back hard enough to draw blood.

Jim was panting and felt lightheaded by the time Khan finally allowed him to take a breath, but the augment remained close enough that Jim could feel the movement of his lips when he spoke. "You are…remarkable."

Jim let out a harsh laugh.

"I was stupid, and lucky…"

"Luck is often a combination of preparation and opportunity," Khan replied, kissing him again, softer this time. "And modesty does not become you."

Jim snorted softly in amusement, even though the sound was a little wet.

"You could try it some time," he teased earning a scoff from the super-human.

"Dull."

Jim laughed quietly and ran his hands apologetically over the other man's shoulders. "I'm exhausted. I think I'm ready to sleep now if you are."

"I thought…" Khan started, but Jim kissed him to silence him.

"Only if you want to. Otherwise, raincheck?"

"Very well," Khan agreed and then rolled them both back onto the bed and pressed himself between Jim's legs. Khan kissed him again deeply then worked his way slowly down Jim's body, exploring nearly every inch of him with his lips and tongue. When Khan's mouth finally closed around his cock, Jim cried out as he tangled his fingers in the augment's soft dark hair. He definitely wasn't complaining about Khan's choice method of distracting him.


	2. Chapter 2

"You look like shit," was the first thing out of the doctor's mouth when Jim met Bones and Spock the next morning. Jim snorted softly and rolled his eyes.

"Long night," Jim replied with just enough innuendo to make his best friends squirm. Bones made a face and Spock raised an eyebrow.

"I don't want to know," the doctor grumbled with a heavy sigh, and Jim grinned. Bones was taking Jim's and Khan's relationship about as well as could be expected. He definitely wasn't thrilled about it, but he tried to be understanding for the most part. At least he no longer made any accusations, veiled or otherwise, about Jim potentially taking advantage of the augment. Or vice versa. Spock hadn't said anything to him directly about it yet, which kind of surprised Jim. Though there was no doubt an 'I told you so' lurking somewhere just waiting to burst free. Probably when Jim least expected it.

"How is he?" McCoy asked before Jim could think of anything else inappropriate to add, looking past him. Jim followed his gaze. He could just make out Khan standing by the lake at this distance. Of course the augment looked pristine as he usually did, and no one would know just by looking at him how few hours of sleep they'd gotten the night before. Jim had jokingly asked if Khan had been genetically altered not to have bags under his eyes when he didn't get enough rest. Khan had merely rolled those perfect blue-green eyes at him and explained when he was not ill he would need to stay awake for an entire week straight (and had apparently done so) before he began to show signs of fatigue.

Show off.

"Better," Jim admitted. The nightmares notwithstanding, the betazoids had assured him that Khan was making remarkable strides in his recovery. After the 'episode' when he and Khan had first separated, Jim had remained as close as possible to the augment. It must have scared Khan too, because he became much more cooperative with the betazoids after that. Carefully, they helped him rebuild his mental defenses and showed him how to better shield himself from unwanted emotions. As the bond between them healed and stabilized, they were able to spend longer and further distances apart from each other. That had been a blessing for both men, because Jim wasn't sure how either of them would have survived if they'd had to remain in each other's presence constantly for more than a few days. One of them probably would have killed, or at least seriously maimed, the other by now. Though the distance they were now, approximately one hundred yards, was about as far as they could get without discomfort. It was also about as close as Khan could come to someone with an unshielded mind, which was why Jim was meeting with Spock and McCoy this way.

"The betazoids say he's making great progress, but he's still got a long way to go," he added with a small sigh. Bones rested a hand on Jim's shoulder and he turned his attention back to the doctor.

"You're doing the right thing, Jim," Bones reassured him and Jim forced himself to smile. He looked at Spock.

"So, you're leaving soon then?" Jim asked, and received a nod from the Vulcan.

"The transport Ambassador Dosia arranged to take us to Earth will arrive within the hour," Spock informed him. "She has assured me the crew is trustworthy. If all goes according to plan, our arrival will go completely unnoticed and we should have the proof we need to expose the conspiracy within Starfleet."

Jim nodded.

"Just be careful. Contact me as soon as you're safe," Jim ordered.

Spock nodded. "Of course, Captain."

Jim looked at Bones next, his expression more openly worried. He honestly wasn't sure which mission would be more dangerous. Spock, Scotty, Chekov, and Carol would try to break into Starfleet Headquarters undetected to try to retrieve the information that Carol had uncovered before she was captured.  That was dangerous enough. But Bones, Uhura, and Sulu were actually flying into Klingon space. In the middle of a plague outbreak!

"Are you sure?" Jim asked for at least the tenth time since the doctor had informed him of their plans. Like every time before, Bones nodded in determination.

"Someone has to do something, Jim. Thousands have already died. Millions, even billions, more could if the plague isn't contained. They have no idea what they're dealing with. At least we have some idea. Maybe we can slow it down, if not stop it from spreading." McCoy sounded serious but then laughed. "Believe me, a Klingon mining colony definitely wouldn't be my first choice of vacation spots."

Jim couldn't help but wince a little at the doctor's words as he looked around, taking in the beautiful garden outside the entrance of the betazoid facility. The wide open fields were surrounded by lush forests and snow-white mountain peaks beyond. The clear blue sky and everything reflected in the serene crystal lake. This is where Jim would be staying with Khan, while his crew went off into danger.

He felt like he was abandoning them. Betraying them. Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face because Spock interrupted them quickly.

"Captain, this is where you belong," he stated firmly, looking towards Khan. Of course Spock would best understand his reasons for remaining here. He'd understood, even better than Jim had, the commitment he was making when he'd agreed to form the bond with Khan. Khan needed to remain here. That meant Jim needed to remain as well, whether he liked it or not.

"I know," Jim replied. Bones squeezed his shoulder reassuringly again before finally releasing him.

"Give us some credit, will you? We'll be back before you know it," the doctor said.

"You better be."

More might have been said, but the three of them were interrupted by Spock's communicator beeping. The Vulcan answered it and Jim didn't need to hear the conversation to know that the ship taking him and the others to Earth had arrived. So they said their goodbyes, then Bones and Spock left together, even though the shuttle that Dosia had acquired for Bones to use wouldn't be ready for another few hours yet. For a long time, Jim remained standing beside the empty road where their transport had disappeared, taking the time he needed to compose himself so Khan would not be able to feel his troubled emotions when he returned to the augment.

Finally, Jim took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then turned and started down the small dirt path that led to the lake. The day was warm and humid, but the wind blowing over the water was pleasant and sweet with the scent of exotic flowers. Khan stood at the edge of the small beach, staring out over the water, unmoving. He looked relatively relaxed. His hands were tucked in the pockets of the light belted tunic he was wearing and his feet were bare; the small waves of the large calm lake lapped gently at his toes. Jim couldn't help but smile at the sight.

Jim stood next to him quietly for several long moments before his restlessness got the better of him and he knelt down to pick up a small flat shell from the beach. He tossed it towards the water and it skipped several times, breaking the relative calm of the lake's surface, before finally sinking into its depths.

"They've gone?" Khan asked when the ripples had finally faded. Jim nodded and bent down to find another shell. He could feel Khan's eyes on him.

"Spock has. Bones will still be on planet for a little while longer." Jim was not quite sure yet why he was being scrutinized so closely by the other man. He wondered if it had to do with last night. Despite Jim's claims of exhaustion, he hadn't actually been able to get any more sleep. Part of that had to do with Khan's very pleasant methods of distracting him from ruminating too much on the past. Jim certainly wasn't complaining about that, especially when they both knew that Jim didn't _really_ want to sleep. Not when the memories were so fresh. He had enough nightmares as it was.

Khan had kept him busy until nearly dawn, when the storm had finally begun to roll in. Jim rested in Khan's arms, the augment's chest pressed against his back, and together they watched the heavy rain and lightning arc across the sky. It was then that Khan surprised him for the second time that night. He began to speak, so softly that Jim probably would never have been able to hear him if the man's lips hadn't been nearly pressed to his ear. He talked about his life in the labs where the scientists had created him before the Eugenics Wars. Horrifying didn't even begin to cover it, and though tears were streaming down Jim's cheeks long before Khan had finished talking, he remained silent throughout. Just listening to Khan.

It had been a very long night…

Khan made a thoughtful sound and Jim glanced at him from the corner of his eye as he threw another shell. If Khan had been looking at him before he wasn't any longer, instead staring out over the calm water of the lake as though it held all the answers to the universe.

"You wish to go with them," Khan finally said. Jim gave a small shrug.

"Of course. They're my friends," he replied. There wasn't any point in lying, though he quickly added, "But I need to stay here."

"Do you?" Khan asked and Jim frowned. Did Khan really believe him that cruel? That he would simply abandon the augment here knowing what would happen to him if he did?

"Of course I do!" Jim stated sharply, looking at Khan angrily, "What kind of person do you think I am? You need to stay here. That means I need to…"

Jim's voice trailed off and he realized suddenly what Khan was thinking. Jim reached out to grab Khan's bicep and forced the augment to look at him. Khan glanced down at the hand on his arm with an unimpressed look but Jim didn't release him.

"No. Out of the question," Jim snapped, giving the man a small shake for emphasis, "There's no way you're leaving. You're not ready. Your shields aren't strong enough yet. You could have a complete fucking relapse!"

Khan finally shook off Jim's hand, his eyes narrowing.

"That is not your decision," Khan stated flatly and Jim practically growled in response.

"The hell it isn't!" Jim yelled. Rather than become annoyed, Khan surprisingly smiled.

"Kirk, your doctor is going to the Klingon world where the virus Section 31 created has been deployed. The virus that was created within _my_ body. Using _my_ blood. He seeks to find a treatment, even a cure, for this disease. My blood could provide that cure. My blood could save millions of lives." Khan spoke calmly and logically, and it was all Jim could do not to punch him in the face.

"Fuck you!" Jim yelled and stalked away from the man, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side. Damn him. God damn him, he was right. He was fucking right. Bones would have a lot easier time trying to find a cure if Khan was there. But…

He felt more than heard Khan come up behind him and he allowed the augment to lay his hands on his shoulders but he refused to turn around at the man's urging. He heard Khan sigh softly behind him, felt the augment's breath against his neck before the press of his lips.

"I can't ask you to do this…" Jim whispered, his throat closing around the words threatening to choke him.

"You're not asking. I am offering," Khan replied, his hands now trailed up and down Jim's arms in a soothing motion before slipping around him entirely, pulling the younger man back against his warm body.

"I don't want you to. You could die. Or worse, end up a fucking vegetable trapped in your own mind." Jim shuddered remembering how he had seen Khan in his own mind. Ripped apart. Shattered. Trapped and tortured by his own memories. Crippled by the pain of his past, both recent and long ago.

"I will be fine. I am stronger now," Khan said simply, as though will alone could make it possible. Jim growled and turned in his arms, scowling.

"You don't know that! You haven't even been around anyone who isn't shielded yet, and you want to go on a planet full of hostile Klingons? You're out of your mind!" Jim yelled, but he could tell quickly his objections were falling on deaf ears, so he changed tactics. "You don't have to do this, damn it. I said I'll stay here until you're fully recovered."

"I know you would."

"Then why…"

"Because, this is all my doing," Khan stated, and Jim gaped at him.

"This isn't your fault," Jim insisted. Khan shook his head.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. The point remains, Section 31 was only able to achieve this because of me. They _used_ me. They used my _family_. I will not allow them to win.  No matter what I have to do to stop them," Khan said fiercely.

Jim wanted to argue but Khan went on, interrupting any protests he might make before he could.

"You promised to do whatever I asked to help me recover. I promised to tell you what I needed in order to do that. I need this."

* * *

 

" _Are you out of your god damned mind?!"_ Bones shouted over the holoterminal.

"He's made his decision. I've already tried to talk him out of it. I can't force him to stay here," Jim grumbled. He wasn't happy about it. The betazoids weren't happy about it. None of them were happy about it.

" _Well, he's an idiot!"_

"You can tell him that when we get to the ship," Jim snapped, glaring at Khan sitting beside him in the transport. Khan returned the look evenly, then he turned his attention to the holoterminal.

"We will arrive at the space port shortly, Doctor. I suggest you do not contemplate leaving without us," Khan warned then turned off the terminal. Jim continued to glare at the stubborn augment for several heated moments before turning his attention out the window, scowling at the passing trees as though they'd paid him a personal insult. He felt Khan take his hand and he tried to pull away, but the augment tightened his grip to an almost painful degree. Jim hissed and turned to yell at the man again, but something in Khan's eyes made him pause. The lines around them were tense and his mouth was pressed into a thin line.

Of course, they were already nearing the betazoid capitol. It was already becoming too much for Khan and they were still on a planet full of telepaths used to shielding their thoughts and feeling s from each other.

"You really are an idiot," Jim growled in both anger and worry, almost telling the driver of the transport to take them back to the facility right now, and damn the consequences.

"Do not make this any harder than it has to be," Khan replied, his voice strained but resolute. Jim realized suddenly that Khan meant it in the literal sense; _he_ was adding to the stress on Khan's mental defenses! No matter how angry he might be at Khan, the last thing Jim wanted to do was hurt him. So he forced himself to calm down. Tried to put aside his anger and fear and think about something else. Slowly Khan's expression started to relax and he loosened his hold on Jim.

"Promise me you won't make me regret this," Jim pleaded as the transport slowed outside of the spaceport.

Instead of answering, Khan leaned over to kiss him firmly but briefly. It didn't make Jim feel any better.


	3. Chapter 3

Khan knelt on the floor in the middle of the captain's cabin. The ship was even smaller than the _Va'khen_ had been. It was cramped, even though there were only the five on them on board, though he supposed it would not have been so if there had only been the planned three. Hence the reason he was sharing Kirk's room this time. One of the reasons. The small ship was not built for comfort, rather stealth and speed. They would need both if they would successfully make it past the neutral zone to the Klingon mining colony being ravaged by the plague that Section 31 had created. Khan had certainly endured smaller, and less pleasant, accommodations before. But the close quarters meant that there was absolutely no relief from the constant bombardment of emotions from the other humans on board.

It was uncomfortable, certainly, but not dangerous. Yet. His shields were holding. The effort to do so was giving him a slight migraine but it was nothing he could not endure. It would be at least forty-eight hours before they reached the Klingon world. By then he should be practiced enough at maintaining his shields once again to do what had to be done.

Either way, he did not have a choice anymore. It was far too late to turn back on this path, and Khan had no intention of doing so, even if that weren't the case.

Kirk was not pleased with him.

In fact, the young man would probably say he deserved any discomfort he was feeling right now from insisting on accompanying Kirk's crew on their mission to begin with. He might be right. But Khan had known exactly what he was doing when he'd made the decision and understood the risk involved far better than Kirk.

He'd made the decision long before the doctor and Vulcan had come to say their farewells to Kirk that morning. He'd planned exactly how to manipulate the younger man's conscience, forcing him to weigh his life against the fate of millions. When – surprisingly – that hadn't been enough, Khan had gone even further and used Kirk's own words against him. He'd told the captain he could not let 'them' win. Of course he'd meant Section 31, but also not-so-subtly referring to the things Kirk had been forced to do in order to survive for so long ago on Tarsus IV. Using the painful memories Kirk had confided in him against him.

It had been a terrible thing to do and Kirk was rightfully angry with him. Khan had known he was risking the tenuous trust that had built between them, especially when he'd practically dared Kirk to renege on his promise to help him. So he did not blame the young man when Kirk had stormed off, leaving Khan alone in their shared cabin almost as soon as they were on board. The ship wasn't nearly large enough for Kirk to go anywhere Khan couldn't feel him. Though that had been several hours ago, and they'd not yet been apart for that long. He was beginning to feel the strain on their bond. Despite this, Khan knew he was in no immediate danger of an 'episode,' as Kirk had put it. He knew the signs now, and would contact Kirk if he thought one was near; Khan was not so proud that he would risk it, and he knew Kirk was not so spiteful that he'd let him suffer.

Kirk was undoubtedly a better man than he.

To be honest, Khan was a bit surprised that Kirk had actually given in to his demands. Despite what Kirk had told the doctor, Kirk _could_ in fact have forced Khan to remain on Betazed. All Kirk had to do was stay on the planet, and Khan would have been physically unable to do anything else. The pain would have crippled him long before Khan reached the spaceport, giving the doctor plenty of time to leave the planet without the two of them. Staying put was what Khan would have done… and that was the difference between them.

Kirk truly was the more honorable of the two of them, and Khan was not so callous that he did not feel some guilt over how he'd manipulated the younger man. Perhaps there was even some small worry that he'd severely damaged their tenuous relationship. Certainly Kirk's opinion of him must have suffered a substantial blow. Khan frowned at his own sentimental musings. When exactly had Kirk's opinion of him come to mean so much to him?

It did not matter now. Whether he'd wounded Kirk or not did not matter. It had been a means to an end, and at least he'd told Kirk the truth. This was something he needed to do. Revenge. Atonement. Justice. All of those things. None of them. His reasons were not so easy to define, just that it needed to be done. He'd known it the moment Kirk had agreed to share his experiences about Tarsus IV.

It had been a gamble when Khan had made the offer to listen. He honestly hadn't been certain Kirk would take him up on it, but either choice Kirk made would have benefited him. If Kirk had refused, then that meant the young man would need to cease his efforts to get Khan to speak about his own past. For a time at least. That would have been the easy path, but once again Kirk had surprised him and it seemed every layer that was peeled away from the young captain exposed another more fascinating one underneath. He probably should not be surprised that Kirk had chosen the much more difficult road, and begun to bare his pain to Khan.

Perhaps they were not so different after all. He'd thought the only reason why Kirk had helped him was because of their growing bond. Well, perhaps not the _only_ reason; Kirk's conscience _was_ substantial. But Khan could see now how the younger man's experiences on Tarsus IV could have made Kirk more sympathetic to his plight. It was an old pain. Deep. Kirk shared far more with him than just the words he spoke. Through their bond Khan could not help but feel everything Kirk had felt during the experience. The utter terror. The hopelessness. The anger. The shame. Still so strong after all this time. But underneath it all was the fierce need to survive, to fight, to triumph. Kirk possessed this drive even at such a young age, and it had only grown stronger over time. He had a strength of spirit that was near-blinding in its intensity. Stubborn. Reckless. The need to fight. The will to win. No one could be close to the young captain and not feel it. Be inspired by it.

James T. Kirk drove others to greatness. Even Khan was not immune it would seem. A man with such a power could bring the universe to its knees if he so wished. But Kirk was far too honorable for that. His ambition was tempered by a kindness that seemed almost misplaced considering the hardships of his past shouldn't have done much to foster that.

Kirk was angry with him now, for certain, but Khan knew that anger mostly stemmed from fear. Kirk was worried about him. Feared for his safety. He did not want to see Khan hurt or in pain. Kirk's protective instincts towards him were charming even if they were sometimes illogical given what Khan was. Yet despite his need to protect, Kirk still cared about him enough to give into his demands, despite the potential danger. Using only three simple words.

_I need this._

Kirk cared for him enough to give him what he needed, even if he disagreed strongly with it. Even though Kirk thought he was being foolish. Indeed, reckless. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps this would finally be the end of him. One slip was all it would take and Khan could once more end up broken and trapped by his own mind, and he doubted this time he would survive.

He had never been so close to giving up. To surrendering. Kirk had pulled him back from that edge again and again through sheer will. He'd literally given him a reason to go on living, and he'd done it all selflessly. Asking for nothing in return.

Khan needed to do this. Both for himself, and for Kirk. He would not run. He would not hide. He would not be broken. Kirk had reminded him who he was, what he was, and what he was meant to be. Kirk had saved him, both literally and figuratively in nearly every way one could be saved.

It was time for him to begin repaying that debt.

It was time for him to become what he had always been.

Better.

* * *

 

Leonard McCoy looked across the table at his friend who was slumped over it with his head buried in his arms, still holding onto his half-full glass of whiskey. Between them, they'd polished off most of the bottle that he'd been given as a gift by the Betazoid Ambassador. He'd been planning on saving it for a special occasion. But when Jim had come to him soon after takeoff, looking like a kicked puppy, Leonard had ushered him inside and cracked open the bottle not long afterwards, deciding the liquid it contained could be considered medicinal.

Jim had drank a lot more than Leonard had, at least two glasses to every one of the doctor's, and was now very drunk. Jim was always a lot more sentimental – and vocal about it – when he was drunk. So it didn't come as much of a surprise when the younger man finally blurted out, clearly heard, if a little muffled, into his arms:

"I love him. The bastard. I fucking love him…and he's a bastard."

Leonard closed his eyes and leaned his head back, praying to every deity he knew of to give him strength. When that didn't work, he picked up his own glass and drained it completely. By that time, at least Jim had lifted his head to glare at him.

"Didn't you hear me?" Jim slurred.

"Of course I heard you," he replied, reaching for the bottle to refill his glass.

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Leonard asked, raising an eyebrow at Jim. His friend's forehead scrunched up in deep thought for several long moments before he dropped his head back down onto the table with a thunk.

"No," Jim muttered miserably. If the situation wasn't so goddamned serious, Leonard would probably be laughing his ass off. But this wasn't funny. Not at all.

Instead, he sighed heavily.

"You don't seem all that surprised," Jim muttered miserably into his arms. At this, Leonard did have to chuckle a little.

"Kid, I've been watching this train wreck coming for a while now. I think you were the only one who didn't see it coming."

"I saw it," Jim surprisingly admitted.

"Why do you sound so surprised about it then?" Leonard asked with genuine curiosity.

"I figured he'd eventually do something that would piss me off so much I'd stop loving him. Well, he did, and I didn't. I still love the fucking bastard," Jim growled finally lifting his head again but only to throw back the whiskey in his glass. He reached for the bottle again, and Leonard obliged him by filling his glass even though Jim had probably had more than enough already. He was almost afraid to ask exactly what Khan had done now which was _worse_ than everything he'd done up to this point.

Before he could, Jim went on. On a roll apparently, now that he'd begun.

"I told him. I trusted him. And he used it against me. The bastard used it against me! You would never do that. Spock would never do that. I thought... I don't know... I should have known better. The man's a fucking empath, he should know how much it hurts, but he doesn't care. He's going to get himself killed, and he doesn't even care..."

Leonard didn't understand half of what Jim was talking about, but by the sound of it, Jim's and Khan's relationship had indeed progressed to the next level. At least on Jim's part. The irony that Jim was now angry at Khan for taking similar risks that Leonard had always hated Jim for taking was not lost on him either. Jim might be feeling a bit over-emotional right now, but he might be right; Khan might simply be incapable of returning Jim's feelings.

This never should have happened in the first place. It was a disaster just waiting to happen. If Jim absolutely needed to bone Khan, why couldn't it have been like every other fling Leonard had seen the young man have? Why did it have to be Khan, of all people – the worst possible choice, that Jim had fallen completely head-over-heels for?

And now Jim was three sheets to the wind and had decided to pour his heart out to him. As much as Leonard wanted to comfort his friend, he also didn't want to give him false hope. It would only be more painful later on when it inevitably ended. There was just no scenario that Leonard could see where this would work out in their favor.

"Can I ask you something?" the doctor finally asked, refilling both of their glasses, knowing they were going to need them.

"What?" Jim asked dejectedly. Leonard sighed sadly.

"How do you see this ending?"

"What do you mean?" Jim asked him in confusion.

"Let's say, by some miracle, we all survive this mess. Let's say we save the day. Take down Section 31. Return to Earth as heroes, or whatever. When all this is over and we go back to Starfleet, when Khan finally has to stand trial for his crimes, what do you think is going to happen?"

Jim looked down into his whiskey glass and did not answer, but the way his expression utterly crumbled made Leonard hate himself. "Want some advice?"

Jim gave the barest of nods.

"Enjoy it while it lasts."


	4. Chapter 4

Jim wasn't sure what time he finally stumbled back to the cabin he was sharing with Khan, but it wasn't long after being given the doctor's 'advice'.

Bones could be a real asshole sometimes. But then that's why Jim had sought out his friend in the first place, wasn't it? He knew that the doctor would tell him what he needed to hear, whether or not it was what he wanted to hear. And it had certainly been effective, just the slap upside the head Jim needed to stop feeling so damned sorry for himself.

_Enjoy it while it lasted…_

"That's just fucked up, Bones," Jim muttered to himself, but he supposed it was good advice all the same. What the hell else could he do? Jim had always known that whatever this was between Khan and him was never going to last. The most likely scenario was that one, or both, of them were going to die during this mission. They'd both come close to dying several times already, and it was only luck more than anything else that they were both still breathing.

_Luck is nothing more than preparation combined with opportunity…_

Jim snorted bitterly to himself. Well, he really had two choices then, didn't he? He could continue being pissed off at Khan for doing…something that wasn't out of character for him.  Khan did whatever he had to in order to win, used whatever he needed to as a weapon in order to fulfill his goals. 

Jim had never forgotten what Khan had done or what he was capable of. Still, he'd had fallen in love with the bastard all the same.

Or he could take Bones' advice and 'enjoy' it while it lasted. Because the doctor was right; even if they did survive, there was no way they could remain together. Khan was still a fugitive, a murderer, and a terrorist who was going to have to stand trial sooner or later. Jim would of course testify on the augment's behalf when that time came, but despite the circumstances the most they could probably hope for was a sentence of life in prison. At worst? He didn't want to contemplate it. But either way, Jim was going to lose him.

Jim wasn't sure if it was that idea, or the overindulgence of strong alcohol that was making him feel so queasy right now. Probably a mixture of both. He sure as hell hadn't forgiven Khan for what he'd done, but then again there were a lot of things he would probably never forgive the man for. It didn't stop Jim from wanting to be with him now, while he still could.

When he entered the small cabin Khan was exactly where Jim had left him hours before. The augment was kneeling on the floor with the lights on low and he had his eyes closed. A quick glance might fool an outside eye, but Jim knew Khan was far from relaxed. He was very pale and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. His entire body was ridged with tension, and his hands were curled into tight fists in his lap, his knuckles bone white.

"Khan?" Jim whispered as he quickly closed the space between them. When Jim laid his hands on his shoulders from behind, Khan's muscles felt like they were carved from stone he was so tense. The augment flinched slightly when Jim touched him but did not move otherwise. "Are you all right?" Jim asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," Khan bit out.

"You don't look fine," Jim growled, "Why didn't you contact me?"

"I did not need you for this."

"God damn it, Khan. We agreed –"

"And I said I did not need you," Khan snapped, finally opening his eyes and glaring venomously at Jim. "I have kept my word."

Jim let out a frustrated breath.

"All right, fine. Maybe you didn't need me, but I still could have helped, right?" Jim insisted. Khan didn't reply and eventually looked away. Stupid. They were both so stupid sometimes. Jim rolled his eyes and started to massage the augment's shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of Khan's tension. "You're such a stubborn bastard, you know that?"

"The pot calls the kettle black." Khan's remark made Jim snort softly.

"Fair enough," Jim replied, as his fingers worked into a particularly tight knot of muscle in the back of Khan's neck. The augment grunted a little in discomfort but slowly Jim's efforts coaxed the stubborn muscles to unclench and Khan finally began to relax. As Khan relaxed so did Jim, and he began to feel the pull of sleep strongly. No doubt helped along by the vast amounts of liquor pumping through his veins.

Jim slowly knelt down behind Khan and slipped his arms around his middle, allowing his hands to work their way up underneath the augment's shirt to find warm skin. He buried his face against the side of Khan's neck, inhaling deeply, and latched his mouth onto his favorite spot just underneath the augment's ear. Khan made such nice sounds every time Jim sucked and bit there, and now was no exception.

"You smell like a distillery," Khan complained but the deep rumbling sound that escaped him was practically a purr and Jim smiled.

"You smell good," He mouthed at Khan's earlobe and then buried his nose in the soft short hair, inhaling deeply. His hands continued to travel lazily underneath the other man's shirt, moving up from his stomach to his chest. He found Khan's nipples and lightly scratched over them with his nails, causing the augment to hiss softly. "I love how sensitive you are. I love how you smell. I love how you taste. I love the sounds you make while we're fucking..."

Jim punctuated every one of these declarations with a kiss or caress. This close he could feel a low thrum of amusement coming from Khan through their bond. It made him feel happy and relaxed, no doubt helped along by the alcohol he'd consumed. So no one could really blame him when he blurted out thoughtlessly:

"I love you. Even when you're being an asshole. I love you."

Khan didn't tense in his arms, but he did grow very still. Jim didn't even notice until one of his hands started moving downwards along Khan's body. He only got as far as the waistband of the augment's trousers before a hand came up to stop its path. Jim lifted his head from nibbling on Khan's neck with a small frown.

"What?"

"You're drunk," Khan's statement of the obvious made Jim snort again.

"No shit, Sherlock," he replied with a giggle, then went back to what he was doing, only to have Khan pull out of his arms and stand up. Jim nearly toppled over when he found his support suddenly gone.

"Go to bed, Kirk," Khan's voice was firm, but he didn't sound angry. Jim wasn't sure exactly how to define it, and Khan wouldn't look at him. Jim frowned up at the man.

"What? Why? Because I love you? You already knew that. You're a fucking empath, you had to know."

"Kirk..." there was anger now, but Jim continued on.

"Look, I don't...expect anything from you, all right? I won't say it again if that's a problem. Just..." Jim sighed heavily. "Why can't you let me enjoy it?"

Khan didn't say anything to Jim for a long time. Nor did he look at him; the man had completely closed himself off. Jim had no idea what he was feeling. He sighed again.

"Fine. Goodnight," Jim muttered as he stumbled back to his feet. It took a few tries and he almost ended up on his ass in the process, but he eventually managed to stand upright and started to tug off his shirt, and of course ended up tangled in it. He began to curse fluently as he attempted to free himself. Khan made a sound behind him that could have been amusement or disgust, or a mixture of both. Probably both.

Jim had just about reached his limit of humiliation for one night, when he felt Khan move closer to him but he shook off the augment's helping hands.

"Piss off," Jim snapped irritably, but of course Khan ignored him. The augment helped him out of his shirt, then reached around him to work at the fastener on his trousers. "I said..."

"I heard you. Clearly," Khan replied tugging down his trousers and underwear together, which of course nearly tripped Jim when he tried to pull away. He would have landed in an undignified heap if Khan had not caught and steadied him.

"I hate you," Jim muttered, but stopped fighting Khan's attempts to undress him. Khan laughed behind him.

"I thought you loved me," the augment teased. Jim was in no mood for it and roughly pulled away from the augment when he was finally naked.

"No. I hate you. You're a bastard," Jim said, and started to move towards the bed. But Khan caught his arm and spun him around. Jim flailed a little, almost losing his balance again, but the augment gripped his arms and pulled him firmly against his chest, stopping Jim from falling on his ass. Jim stared into Khan's pale eyes and felt his knees go weak in spite of himself.

"Good," Khan replied, and then the augment's mouth was ravishing his. Jim tried to resist, refusing to open his mouth for the tongue that probed at his to enter. But when the other man's strong hands slid down to grasp Jim's bare ass and squeeze, he gasped and Khan took the opportunity to force his tongue inside. Jim moaned, clutching at Khan's shoulders, fighting between the urge to push the augment away or draw him closer. Khan didn't give him a choice, lifting Jim off the floor easily. He had to cling to strong shoulders to keep from falling.

Khan carried him the short distance to the bed and then dropped him down on it unceremoniously. Jim yelped and then growled at the manhandling. "Bastard..."

The augment smirked down at him and quickly stripped off his clothing with far more grace than Jim had managed. Jim's eyes greedily took in each newly revealed portion of skin as Khan's clothing hit the floor, though his attention kept returning to Khan's piercing eyes and the predatory look in them. It made his heart speed up and his dick grow hard, and the augment smirked down at him.

"I fucking hate you," Jim growled, but refused to cover himself up. He was not going to be ashamed of this of all things. Once Khan was naked, he climbed onto the bed with him. Jim kicked at him but the augment easily caught his ankle and forced himself between his legs. Jim used the momentary distraction to his advantage and punched Khan hard across the face. Of course the blow did no damage, except maybe to the augment's ego. Khan glared down at Jim through the long fringe that had fallen into his face, then caught him by the wrists, forcing Jim's arms up over his head as the man towered over him.

"I hate you," Jim spat.

His angry words were met with rough lips as Khan kissed him again. Jim moaned, kissing him back for all he was worth. Their tongues fought for dominance between crushing lips and fierce bites. Jim bucked underneath Khan, rubbing his erection firmly against the strong muscles of the augment's belly. Khan twisted Jim's wrists hard enough to make him gasp in discomfort, and Jim wrapped his legs around the other man's hips to pull him closer.

His lips felt bruised and his wrists throbbed when Khan finally released both without much warning. Jim whimpered but he didn't move when the augment's searing lips moved down his body. He arched his neck back when Khan bit him there hard enough to leave a mark. His hand twisted in Khan's hair, pulling hard enough to rip some strands free, as he forced the augment's head lower. Khan went, and Jim watched through hooded eyes as his lover moved lower, leaving stinging bites barely soothed by a hot tongue.

Jim's cock ached and was leaking copiously when Khan finally reached it, but apparently that was not his final destination. The augment barely licked at the head of the throbbing length before he was biting sharply at the inside of Jim's thigh, making him cry out, and instinctively kick at the man again in retaliation. Khan caught him underneath the knees and forced his legs up higher, exposing Jim completely. Jim's mind barely had the time to process what was happening before Khan's mouth was on him in the most intimate way possible, forcing his tongue inside of him without any warning.

Jim shouted loud enough to wake the whole damned ship, then bit his lip hard enough to taste blood to silence himself. He roughly pulled again at Khan's hair while his other hand reached down to grasp his erection, throbbing with every movement of his lover's tongue inside of him. He jerked himself off hard and fast, leaving trails of precum along the skin of his stomach. Every nerve ending in his whole body felt alive as he writhed in pleasure.

When Jim came, it was almost with a sob, his chest heaving, trying to draw enough air into his lungs. His seed spilled in hot white ropes across his stomach and chest, leaving him feeling filthy and sated. He was practically boneless when Khan finally lifted his head and then shifted Jim's legs over his shoulders. Jim moaned softly when he felt the push of Khan's cock at his slick entrance. He was relaxed enough by his own orgasm that Khan slid in easily, despite the minimal preparation.

He ran his hands up Khan's arms to his shoulders as the augment practically bent him in half, giving Khan plenty of leverage to fuck him hard and deep. Khan's eyes never left his as he used him. Every time Khan hit his prostate, Jim whimpered, his own cock twitching pitifully in response to the abuse of his over sensitive nerves. When Khan finally came he was silent, but Jim felt his pleasure roll across their bond like a wave, making his whole body shudder.

Khan pulled out of him with an obscene sound and allowed Jim to flop down onto the bed. The sheets beneath him were wrecked and filthy, much like Jim felt. But he didn't want to move. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to lie there and enjoy it.

He heard Khan snort softly from...somewhere. Felt the man rearranging him into a somewhat more comfortable position. Felt the pull of a cloth across his skin in a halfhearted attempt to clean him up. Jim made an irritated sound and swatted at him with his eyes closed, smacking him in the ear by the feel of it.

"Go to sleep, Kirk," Khan ordered, his voice soft and surprisingly gentle.

"I hate you," Jim muttered again but there was no longer any venom in the words.


	5. Chapter 5

Victor Tannak frowned thoughtfully as he stood in front of the viewport and gazed out at the vast darkness beyond. Outside of the planet's atmosphere the stars seemed infinite in number. Glittering like diamond dust on black velvet. Ancient. Eternal. The sailors of ancient times had once used them to navigate the treacherous seas by night. Trusting of their unwavering guidance.

Little had they known that the small pinpricks of light in the night sky had been cast eons ago, that it had taken so long to reach the Earth that many of the stars themselves no longer existed in the universe. The pale cold light in that inky darkness mere ghosts of long dead suns.

They were only a lie.

He had told her this once and she had only smiled at him. Her hand warm in his as they stared up at the cold night sky together. Their breaths fogging in the winter chill. She had always loved the stars. It did not matter, she said. Ghosts, like memories, could still be beautiful.

His empty hands clenched painfully at his sides.

Everything dies. They were all ghosts. One day their light would fade, leaving behind nothing but memories. It was pathetic, really. For all their 'advancements,' what had man really accomplished? Humans were such fragile beings. For all their intelligence, their bodies were weak. Easily broken. Easily succumbing to disease. For every disease cured another would always threaten on the horizon. Some parts of their bodies could be repaired, replaced, and life could be extended a few more years. Sometimes decades. But age would eventually whither even the strongest. Eventually they would succumb to the ultimate plague upon mankind. Eventually they would decay, leaving nothing but dust. That was all they were in the end. Dust. Pathetic.

A slow smile spread across his face as he turned away from the viewport and strode across the room. The cryotube sat undisturbed, and he brushed his fingers lightly over the cool glass. The technology was practically primitive, but still useful. Modifications had been made, of course, and it served its purpose well. The body inside was cold and lifeless, but it was perfectly preserved.

Not for much longer…

The augments were the key. The final piece of the puzzle he'd been searching for all these years. He'd known the moment he'd read the classified report submitted by Leonard McCoy of how he'd brought back Captain Kirk from the dead. Of course the 'miracle' the doctor had performed was nothing. Kirk had only been dead minutes at most. His mind and body, despite the radiation damage, had not had a chance to even begin to decay. Child's play, really.

But the potential. Further experimentation on the augments had only confirmed his hypothesis. To think that they had been so close three hundred years ago. So close to such a miraculous discovery. So close to eradicating the ultimate plague upon mankind. But they'd lacked the technology, or perhaps the vision, to take that last step. Imagine, it would be he who would find the answer. A cure for death itself!

"You'll see the stars again," he whispered softly, caressing the glass almost lovingly. A knock pulled him from his contemplation and he sighed irritably as he called out, "What is it?!"

The door opened and his aid stood at the threshold, but did not enter the lab.

"Dr. Tannak, you asked to be informed when Commissioner Hedford arrived."

Tannak's expression brightened and he allowed himself to turn away from the cryotube and straightened his glasses. "Ah, excellent. Please escort Ms. Hedford to my office. I will be there shortly."

His aid nodded primly and left. After casting one last look to the cryotube he followed a short time later. Nancy Hedford awaited him and she regarded him with fierce intelligent eyes.

"Doctor," Her tone betrayed her impatience as well as her hopefulness. He smiled in return.

"Ms. Hedford. Thank you for coming on such short notice." He offered her his hand in greeting and she took it politely, though he could feel the slight tremble in her own and saw the strain on her face, the effort it took, though she attempted to hide it.

"How are you feeling today, Ms. Hedford?" he asked curiously, releasing her hand and watching as it dropped weakly into her lap. Even that small movement was obviously almost too much for her, an unfortunate side effect of her delayed treatment of Sakuro's disease. Though doctors had cured her of the disease in time to save her life, the damage had already been done. Severe nerve damage had destroyed most of her mobility, she could not even walk, confined to a hover chair; and even the smallest movements caused extreme pain.

"Well enough. The new medication you gave me has helped somewhat with the pain," she offered.

"Perhaps today I can help you with more than that, Ms. Hedford." He smiled as her eyes lit up with obvious excitement. "After all, given your support, it's only fair that you be the first to benefit from my work."

"Doctor…" Not a woman to often be at a loss for words, Tannak could barely contain his amusement.

"Are you ready to begin?" He asked and she nodded without hesitation.

"Yes, immediately," she confirmed.

"Very well. I must warn you, the treatment might be unpleasant at first, but…"

"I don't care," she interrupted without hesitation. "Whatever it takes."

That was something he had always liked about her. Above all, she was practical. She only cared for the results no matter how unpleasant the means might be. She'd supported his work when others had balked. His research might never have come so far if not for her continuous support.

"Very well, Ms. Hedford," he replied, drew a phaser from his coat, and shot her squarely in the chest. The stench of burning flesh immediately filled his office and she barely had time to give him a look of surprise at his actions before she slumped over dead.

Coughing a little in distaste at the smell, he walked over to his desk and hit the button for the intercom.

"Come to my office," he ordered, and turned back to the body of Nancy Hedford with an almost apologetic look. "I am truly sorry it has to be this way, Ms. Hedford. But the treatment cannot be performed on a living body. I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results however."

When his aid arrived he gestured to the still-smoking remains.

"Would you please take Ms. Hedford to the laboratory? Try to avoid causing any further damage," he ordered. His aid nodded, then she and two orderlies carried out his command without question. Tannak smiled. It was far better this way. No one questioned his orders or his methods any longer. There were a few minor setbacks in earlier prototypes of the devices, but now they functioned even better than he had hoped for.

He would begin the treatment immediately on Nancy Hedford. And if she did not wake? Well, that was why they did these kinds of tests.

* * *

 

Because Starfleet Headquarters had been targeted by the terrorist John Harrison when he'd crashed the experimental ship _Vengeance_ , most of the damage to San Francisco was centered in that area. The devastation was terrible, but could have been much worse. If the ship hadn't already been so damaged, much more of the city, and Starfleet, could have been left as smoking rubble. As it was, only about half of the Academy would have to be demolished and repaired. Some of the main buildings in the compound had even been spared, suffering only minor structural damage.

Crews had been working around the clock for months to clear away as much of the debris as quickly as possible. Day and night thousands of construction crews, technicians, and engineers did what they could, but it would still take perhaps as long as a year for the destroyed city to even begin to resemble what it once was.

The wreck of the _Vengeance_ had been mostly cleared away by that point. Thankfully they weren't finding bodies daily any longer. It had been over a week since Shane Thompson had helped pull any burned or crushed remains from the debris, and he was immensely grateful for that. He had a strong stomach, but after a while it had all become a little too much for him to bear.

The foreman had him overseeing the transport of crew and materials to and from one of the less damaged areas of Starfleet Academy. There were even a few buildings still left standing, and in use, though of course most of the staff and all of the students had been relocated to safer areas for the time being. He made sure everyone heading in and out of the compound knew where they were supposed to go and had the proper clearance. It was easy, if tedious work for a change and he was glad to have the break.

Another loader truck, one of dozens that had already passed through to and from the reconstruction areas rolled to a stop when Shane signaled the driver to do so.

"Where you headed?" Shane asked the driver, holding out his hand for the orders every worker should have. The driver immediately handed a PADD over with a smile.

"Building H-26, got a load of equipment for the new Biochemistry Lab," The driver answered in a thick Scottish accent. Shane didn't recognize the man, but that wasn't out of the ordinary. He saw new faces every day on the crews coming in and out of here. A much younger man sat in the passenger seat of the vehicle, practically bouncing with energy. Probably a trainee. He reminded Shane of his own grandson, and he smiled at the youth as he ran their credentials.

"New on the job, kid?" He asked.

"Yes, sir," the youngster responded, his accent even thicker than the first man's.

"You'll do fine," Shane said, handing the pad with the men's orders back to the driver. Everything had checked out. "Down the road. Take a left at the end, then another left. Can't miss it."

The driver nodded in thanks and Shane waved them on. He was too busy checking the next driver's credentials to notice that the first truck took a left, and then a right, in the opposite direction. The truck eventually came to a stop at the gate that led into the loading area of one of Starfleet Headquarters' main buildings that had escaped the devastation, where many of the top officers' private offices were housed. There was no guard at the gate, but a highly sophisticated security system consisting of cameras and scanners that only allowed in approved personnel. The gate was, of course, closed and did not open as they approached.

"Hurry up, laddie," the Engineer urged as he eyed one of the cameras trained on them. Beside him Chekov typed furiously away on the datapad in his hand. If they sat here too long someone was bound to notice. Then alarms would sound, security would show up with weapons drawn, and Scotty didn't feel like spending the next ten years or so in a prison cell.

"Almost got eet. De firewall is being a little trick- there!" The young Russian genius crowed triumphantly as the laser beams of the gate flickered and went out. Scotty drove through, still feeling a bit of trepidation in spite of everything, but when no alarms sounded, he started to relax.

When they reached the loading bay, it was empty save for some robotic loaders. Montgomery Scott sighed with relief. Maybe their luck was starting to change after all. He got out of the transport, quickly followed by Chekov. The lad immediately rushed over to the computer terminal by the door and began typing on it, attempting to access the security feeds and open the doors. While Chekov was working on that, Scotty started to move towards the rear of the truck when a loud voice made him jump.

"Hey! What are you two doing here?!" A large man emerged from behind a stack of machinery. Scotty cursed inwardly, not liking at all the feeling of déjà vu from his time on the _Vengeance_.

"Hello, sir! We were wondering where everyone was. We've got a delivery of…" the engineer began before he was rudely cut off by the big man suddenly towering over him.

"There aren't any deliveries scheduled for today. How did you get in here?"

* * *

 

Jim sat in the cockpit of their small shuttle, staring at the viewscreen with a frown. They'd come out of warp approximately ten minutes ago and remained still some distance from the Klingon planet Qu'Vat. Even from here, their scanners could pick up a number of other ships surrounding the planet. Quarantine measures, no doubt. Letting no one on, or off, the planet.

"Any ideas, Sulu?" Jim asked the man in the pilot's seat, eyeing the blockade nervously.

"I might be able to slip in undetected, they're probably more worried about people trying to get _off_ the planet. What sane person would actually _want_ go down onto a plague-infested planet?" Sulu replied, more than a little sarcasm lacing his words, but Jim chose to ignore it. "If we're spotted though, it could be a bumpy ride."

"Understood. Take us in, carefully," the captain ordered, then turned to his communication's officer, "Picking up anything, Lieutenant?"

"No, captain. Complete radio silence."

"They're probably trying to keep a lid on it. To keep the entire empire from panicking. I don't blame them," Bones stated gravely, frowning at the viewscreen, and the planet looming ever larger as they made their approach. "Eighty years ago this entire planet was almost wiped out by a Klingon armada in an attempt to eradicate a lethal airborne virus. They managed to find a cure in time, but thousands died before then. Section 31 has a sick sense of humor letting loose their weapon here of all places."

Jim agreed.

The door to the bridge whooshed open behind them and Jim turned to watch Khan join them in the small cockpit. Khan had avoided the other members of Jim's crew as much as possible on their voyage here, so he was a little surprised to see the augment here now. The captain unstrapped himself from his seat and moved to stand beside Khan, who was watching the viewscreen intently.

"Everything all right?" Jim asked, his voice pitched low enough that the others would not hear him speaking to Khan.

"Fine," Khan replied, his voice and posture tense, and Jim's frown deepened. The augment cast him a warning look, and Jim's jaw clenched but he said nothing more. What was the point? It was far too late to change anything. They'd already made up, for the most part. Jim was still worried him, but Khan didn't want to be coddled, and the captain didn't want to start another argument now, of all times.

"Okay," Jim muttered simply with a sigh and nodded. Turning the discussion back to the matter at hand, he asked instead, "How about you? Picking up anything?"

"Plenty," Khan replied, his frown deepening as he gazed at the planet below. "Fear and anger for the most part. Pain…"

Jim swallowed nervously in spite of himself. If Khan could already feel that while attempting to keep his shields up from this distance, that was _not_ a good sign… Before he could say anything else, Khan's eyes suddenly widened in alarm and he shouted, "Take evasive action!"

But it was too late. Their shuttle lurched like a wounded beast from the blast, and emergency alarms began to blare loudly throughout the cockpit.

"Shit! That came from the planet, not the blockade." Sulu's voice trailed off abruptly as they narrowly avoided another direct shot from the planet. The shuttle shook violently as they hit the atmosphere. "Everyone strap in, we're going down!"

Jim moved to obey, but the shuttle took another blow before he could get to his chair, and he was thrown off his feet, landing hard against an instrument panel. The shuttle pitched hard in the other direction, flinging him like a rag doll, but he felt warm steel-strong arms wrap around him, and a body cushioning his own when he landed on the floor. The shuttle shook again, and there was a sound of screaming metal drowning out the alarms. Then everything went dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Scotty tried not to appear overly nervous, even though he could feel sweat beginning to gather on the back of his neck. He resisted the urge to look for Chekov, since it didn't seem like the man had noticed him yet. Where exactly had the lad gone?

"I'm sorry, sir. There must be some kind of mix up. Let me find the delivery orders and we can get this sorted," he offered pleasantly. The bigger man frowned but he seemed to relax a little. Not surprising as Scotty was more than a head shorter than him and didn't appear to be much of a threat. Now if he could just reach his phaser and stun the man without being noticed…

Before he could take so much as a step, however, suddenly the big man's eyes rolled back and he slumped to an inelegant heap on the ground. Behind him stood Spock, who'd apparently delivered a Vulcan nerve pinch. Carol Marcus stood nearby, as well as Chekov who'd managed to open the rear of their transport where their other two companions had been hiding.

"Well, that's one way to do it," Scotty remarked.

Spock merely raised an eyebrow.

"We must move quickly before our presence is noticed," he stated and pulled up the hood on his traditional Vulcan robes to hide his features as much as possible. Carol was similarly disguised, her hair cut much shorter now and dyed a dark brown and she wore a lieutenant's uniform. Their story if they were questioned was that she was escorting a diplomat from New Vulcan to a meeting with Admiral Cartwright. But that wouldn't hold up under thorough scrutiny. They needed to get in and out as quickly as possible.

Chekov hurried back to the door he'd been working on before they'd been interrupted, and within minutes had gotten it open.

"Wait for my signal," Spock ordered and Scotty nodded.

"We'll be here," Scotty confirmed.  When Spock and Carol were gone he turned to Chekov, "Good work, lad."

The young ensign beamed.

"I guess we should take care of him, yes?" Chekov pointed towards the man still lying prone on the ground. Scotty sighed and nodded and the two of them moved together to drag the heavy man somewhere he wouldn't be noticed until well after they were gone. Hopefully.

* * *

 

Khan awoke to darkness. Flashing red emergency lights cast strange shadows in the rubble of the cockpit. The smell of burning plastic and circuitry was strong in the smoke-filled air making his throat feel tight and he had to resist the urge to cough. The heavy weight across his back and pain radiating through his chest with every exhale told him he would regret it if he did.

A low moan underneath him drew his attention.

Kirk was lying pinned underneath him, Khan's body the only thing stopping debris from the crash from crushing him. He couldn't readily tell if the young captain was injured or not. But at least he was alive. For the moment.

"Kirk?" Khan's voice was rough, partially due to the choking fumes in the air and partially from pain. He could feel a stirring of consciousness from Kirk, but he couldn't feel any of the others. Either they were unconscious, or dead. He hoped it was the former, for Kirk's sake at least.

"Nngh…" The younger man grunted and shifted under him. Khan hissed when even that small movement caused the heavy weight on top of him to shift and grit his teeth to silence himself, "Khan…?"

"Don't move," Khan ordered. Thankfully the other man obeyed him, even though he could feel Kirk's confusion and growing alarm at the situation as he became more aware.

"What happened?" Kirk asked.

"We crashed," Khan answered simply.

"Oh…" Kirk paused, as through he were processing that information and what it meant. It was taking a little longer than Khan would have expected. It made Khan wonder if the younger man had perhaps suffered a head injury in the crash. "The others?"

"I don't know."

"Are you all right?" Kirk finally asked.

"Fine," Khan lied. He was definitely injured, but he couldn't tell how badly at the moment. The fact that he had likely been unconscious for quite a while was not good. But that he was feeling pain was a good sign. It meant his spine hadn't been crushed. He was sure he had at least a few broken bones, ribs most likely judging from the pain level, possible internal bleeding, but he wouldn't know more until he moved. Unfortunately he would have to move soon, whether he wanted to or not. The smell of the fumes in the air was more worrisome; even in this century there were plenty that could be toxic. Possible radiation poisoning. Kirk probably wouldn't want to go through _that_ again. Not to mention possible exposure to the virus plaguing the planet if the hull had been breached.

"You're lying," Kirk's words, immediately followed by the younger man's attempt to shift underneath him again as though he were trying to turn around to see Khan, pulled another involuntary sound of pain from his lips. The captain's tone was exponentially more worried, "Khan?"

"I said don't move," the augment grunted. Kirk grew still again, but he remained tense.

"What do you want me to do?" Kirk asked after a time.

"Give me a moment," Khan muttered, looking around as best he could in the dim light so as to glean how to get them out of the mess they were in. He examined the way the metal debris pinning them was balanced and calculated how it might react to movement. The right leverage, and they might be able to budge it enough to crawl out. The wrong move could end up shifting the weight too much and crush them instead.

"All right. I'm going to move. The debris will shift, but I will hold it. Don't move until I tell you, and when I give the word, crawl out as fast as you can," Khan ordered as calmly and confidently as possible. But of course it was too much to hope that Kirk would take his word for it.

"What about you?"

"I will be fine," Khan reassured.

"I'm not going to just leave you," Kirk protested, and Khan found himself smiling despite his growing frustration.

"Kirk, I assure you I am not sacrificing myself, or whatever you might be thinking. We are both going to survive this, but only if you do as I say," he reassured.

"Promise me…" Kirk whispered softly after several long moments. Khan sighed and moved as much as he dared while still keeping the heavy pieces of metal from shifting and potentially crushing the younger man beneath him. One of the beams dug harder into his back but he ignored the discomfort.

"I promise," he whispered, brushing his lips along the side of Kirk's neck underneath the younger man's ear. He felt Kirk swallow hard.

"I hate you," the captain muttered under his breath. Khan smiled again.

"I know."

"All right."

Khan took a deep breath and shifted one arm underneath him as much as he could. He braced the other one on the side of the shuttle next to Kirk. Slowly he started to push up. The sound of groaning metal was a decidedly unpleasant noise in the relative silence. Khan grit his teeth, and shifted his legs to take some of the pressure off of his arms. One of his legs protested vehemently, proving it was also broken, but he ignored it. The debris had only moved a fraction of an inch so far, and his arms were already shaking. But, considering there were several hundred pounds of metal pressing down on him, he forgave himself. If he had been in a better position he knew he was capable of lifting far more. But he didn't want to risk it while Kirk was still so vulnerable. There was a loud shriek and a bang as the debris listed dangerously, pressing into his back extremely painfully.

"Khan?"

Khan ignored Kirk's worried query for the moment, mostly because he didn't trust his own voice right now, and he didn't want Kirk panicking. He took another deep breath, held it, and pushed. Metal shrieked again. The pain in his broken ribs increased, but the important thing was that the metal moved. One inch. Two. All of the weight was now off of Kirk.

"Go." Khan's strained grunt was all he could manage.

"Khan!"

"Now!"

Miraculously Kirk began to obey. It was still a tight fit, but the younger man managed to wiggle lower between his legs, and finally crawl out from underneath him completely. The metal shifted again and Khan closed his eyes and bit his lip hard enough to taste blood. He didn't breathe again until Kirk was out.

"Khan, what can I do? Khan!" Khan ignored Kirk's worried questions for now, trusting that the younger man would know what to do when the time came. The next part was not going to be pleasant. He pushed hard against the wall, causing much of the metal to come crashing down where Kirk had once been, and onto his arm. Khan couldn't have silenced the cry of pain that left him if he tried, but he felt the pressure on his back ease considerably. With one last grunt, he shoved as hard as he could against the floor, and the huge metal plate that had been crushing him toppled away. Khan pulled his arm free, though it was now broken in several places, just as he felt hands hook under his armpits and drag him the rest of the way out.

They both ended up collapsing in exhaustion onto the floor of the ruined shuttle, panting heavily. Khan lay sprawled mostly on top of Kirk, and neither of them was ready to move any time soon.

"You crazy son of a bitch," he heard Kirk mutter behind him, and the younger man's arms came around him in more of an actual embrace rather than out of necessity. As much as he might like to stay like this and recover, for a little while at least, he knew they could not afford to.

Khan opened his eyes to look around the destroyed cockpit, now having a much better view than when they had been trapped. He knew Kirk was doing the same. They were both shocked to see that they were alone. The others were nowhere to be seen.

**Author's Note:**

> Do not ask me about updates, please. Thank you.


End file.
